Farra Liyana

I told you so

Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I loved you
And suppose I said "I wanna come back home".
And suppose I cried and said "I think I finally learned my lesson"
And I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone.

If I told you that I realised you're all I ever wanted
And it's killin' me to be so far away.
Would you tell me that you loved me too and would we cry together?
Or would you simply laugh at me and say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever
Would you get down on yours to and take my hand?
Would we get that old time feelin', would we laugh and talk for hours
The way we did when our love first began?

Would you tell me that you'd missed me too and that you'd been so lonely
And you waited for the day that I return.
And we'd live in love forever and that I'm your one and only
Or would you say the tables finally turned?

Would you say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

"Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

__________________________________

When I think about it
I know that I was never there or even cared
The more I think about it
The less that I was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, I
can almost feel you
You're nearly here
And then you disappear
You disappear
You, you disappear

___________________________________

Things I wanna do before end of the year:

1) Lose 5kg.
2) Have at least 300bucks in my UOB acct.
3) Shop online less.
4) Wash PB.
5) Organise my room.
6) Become a good person.

The first three is like impossible. lol

Out of 6 exams to be taken...
Im pretty sure i might fail at least 2. AT LEAST.

...................................................................................
thermo sucks thermo sucks thermo sucks.
i love maths. but who cares.
maths suck maths suck maths suck

i shld be studying now. but instead im wasting time being a stupid bimbo.

PB i love you.
 

I baked chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter cookies yesterday!
And they turned out eff-ing delicious! By far the best tasting ones ive made these past few times. :)
And i had to hide it in some cupboard else i swear it'd be gone before raya thanks to my brother..
I was supposed to take pics whle doing it but i guess i got too engrossed i forgot.. Hehe..

Oh and i made rice krispies marshmallow treats too! Its freaking nice! Ive been looking for these since it stopped selling in ntuc.. ANd now i dun have to look for it anymore!! I can just make em'!! Woohoo~~

Im not so sure what i shld make tdae.
Im thinkin truffles or tiger peanut butter fudge.
Hmm, I think truffles first.. and then, i'll make the fudge aft i get back from tuition. :)
So exciting!!!

Anyways, I'm done with my first week in school..
And I thot i could look forward to the weekend or smthing.. 
But im stuck at home... hah.. MFing PERFECT.

Happy national day too all non-losers unlike me out there!

I duno if i can survive NTU.
Seriously, Im really scared.

Anyways, camp is fun! And fucking tiring.
I think i've lost alot of the stamina I used to have. 
And my endurance level might have dropped.
Im a shithead lazy bum who sleeps 12hours a day.
What have I turned into?

Im trying trying trying to leave it all behind and have fun.
But it doesnt work that way.
Im haunting myself.

And I think some people do know that I'm the kind who doesnt talks about feelings much.
And I have difficulties expressing myself.
I bottle up my feelings beneath a strong exterior.
People like me, we can't change that easily about ourselves.
It all comes up to how our parents brought us up.
If they're like that, so will we.
So its either one day we explode and let it all out, 
or we just suffer silently and decide to end our life?

Don't worry, Im smart. For now..

And so my parents are not getting along..
My dad asks me, why does ur mom always gets angry at me?, why doesnt she care?
And How the Fuck do I Fucking know?
He hasn't done anything wrong... He's a good dad.
My mom has high expectations.. And she found out too late.
So now my dad thinks I'm to blame for everything. 
Its all my fault.
For not stopping her from chatting online.
For not stopping her from going out at night.
For being too hopeless and ungrateful.
For not having the initiative to step up.
For having a bf who can drive so my mom wants one too.
For living a carefree life like all teens do so my mom wants to too.
For not advising her? 

We were never a close family in the first place, we never talked about feelings,
and we never discussed our thoughts.
We never asked how was ur day, or whats going on in your life..
It never was a family to begin with. I can't remember when it last was. probably when I was still in Primary School.
Maybe thats why I dont really feel like bothering, coz she is an adult and she should be smart enough to think.
And I'm only still learning, from people I shouldn't be learning from.

So now, I am supposed to be the one who asks her where she goes?
So I should constantly be up her ass following her every motherfucking move?
Tell me, do other families have this problem?
Or does god just want to torture me from one dilemma to another.
I skipped the whole of my teenage life. For what fuck?
And what shit life experience have I learned from my parents?
Nothing that could help me for my future of course.
Just shitfuck argueing and pretending noone exists.

And he made it very clear that if they were to separate, it would be my fault.
Coz I am the only hope, the only one who can do anything.
So now, Im the Mom and she will be the daughter I wished I never had.
I dun get how fucking childish an grown up can be.
How irresponsible and totally care less of anyone she has known for years.
And all for what? For luxury and a carefree life which will last for maybe a minute.
Even I still care for those I ditched and rarely contact.

And who do I blame for this? Nobody else but myself is to be blamed.

Darl bought me a helmet!
Hehehe....
1st step to getting a bike license.
I better sign up by next week.
I better. Somebody make/force/drag me.

When is my mom gona change the account name????
I need that money to enrol.
Im a parent golddigger.

 

For that hopeless romantic who will sweep me off my feet.

Always knowing what to say,

Lets every argument end with a smile.

And when I smile,

He smiles back with assurance that he will always be there.

Sends me flowers to my office,

Writes love letters/emails.

(Now that I’m in the office all the time, a few emails would really make my day.)

And when I’m stressed out at work,

I’d close my eyes and think of him,

making all my worries go away.

Gives me peace when I need it, and knows how to.

It’s really not that hard, it’s probably just effort.

Which I will definitely reciprocate, for that kind selfless soul out there.

 

There's so many things that I want to say but I can never get it out of me.
I just black out all the time.
There are so many things going through my mind.
But I'm too afriad to tell anyone.
Or I just cant put them to words.
It can only be felt but not said.
I want to cry everytime I start thinking of the things that have happened this past year.
Am I doing the right thing or am I doing what I think is right?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyways, my boss wants me to go over to his place next monday to do a complete inventory of his household item for insurance....
Hmm, he's afriad some burglar is gonna rob his house? Or people like me might burn it down or smthing? Haha.
But i get to go to his house which is kinda cool. Hehe...  BIG BIG house.
One Tree Hill, i duno how to get there.
Maybe I could become his maid. Since Im already doing all kinds of stupid things he's too lazy to do himself. 
I wanna see his kid. His name is something Nizam Blakney. Must be cute huh. lol.
Yeap he married a Singaporean Malay.
I want to marry a rich CEO too. hehehe
.

 
The word 'missed' is underrated.
I miss my grandma.
But Im glad now she has company.
They were meant for each other.
They raised wonderful kids.
Brought the families close together.
Family bonds made strong.

I dont know much about a close family coz i always distance myself.
I might not look like a family person but I am.
And I want to be just like them.
I want to raise the perfect family and ive had it visioned.
And I wont settle as long as Im not satisfied.
Its not just for me but it for my babies too.

Some people may think I think too far?
But I dont see the reason not to.
Its what you're aiming towards and its the determination to achieve it.
So why should I be satisfied not knowing what more there is out there?

Yes I know " You shld be grateful with what you have".
I am thankful with what I have, but if everyone is thankful with what they have...
Noone will step up to take risks.
And noone will gain anything.

All these 'philosophic' phrases are two-sided. (except some)
Its the way you choose to believe in it.
Believe that you should be grateful,
as there are others who are less fortunate.
And not believe that you should be grateful,
because you are born with benefits.
Or some people use being grateful,
as an excuse as they're too lazy to go for greater heights.
see the difference?

I duno if this entry is hard to understand,
but sometimes I find it hard to understand myself too.

Rest in peace datuk.


VIRGO - The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
Dominant In relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to.Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic

Im at work now.
I feel sick.
I keep sneezing.
I want to go home.
Im bored.
Im always bored? why?
Theres one thing that doesnt make me bored.
Thats shopping.
Its an obsession.
It makes my day.
It brightens up my face.
I smile more.
I feel happier. lol
Its probably the only way to cheer me up.
Its better than sex.. (i think, i dont know)
Food cld prolly cheer me up too. haha
Shit now im hungry.
I skip lunch so i get paid more.

I hate my boss.
He's annoying.
I think he doesnt like me.
Well, i dun like u either. :p
And ur stupid accent.

If I Had Eyes lyrics

If I had eyes in the back of my head
I would have told you that
You looked good
As I walked away

If you could've tried to trust the hand that fed
You would've never been hungry
But you never really be

The more of this or less of this or is there any difference
or are we just holding onto the things we don't have anymore

Sometimes time doesn't heal
No not at all
Just stand still
While we fall
In or out of love again I doubt
When you got eyes like that
Always looking out

Lot of people spend their time just floating
We were victims together but lonely
You got hungry eyes that just can't look forward
Can't give them enough but we just can't start over
Building with bent nails we're
falling but holding, I don't wanna take up anymore of your time
Time time time

Sometimes time doesn't heal
No not all
Just stand still
While we fall
In or out of love again I doubt
When you got eyes like that
Always looking out
Always lookin 

Ok so i started work yesterday at Subway/ Belgarath Investments.
It a subway franchise that deals with catering n stuff.
But its like damn far fm my place but i guess it worth it since the pay is pretty good.
Hmm, office jobs are boring.
But i guess my colleagues are ok, i havent been bossed ard much yet but i feel like its about to come soon.
Haiz, i hate being a slave to somebody! Haha.
The CEO is Canadian, he rides a Harley i heard. 
And i have to answer stupid phone calls from stupid people who cannot read instructions.
And i have so much to get into my brain and learn so dont push it dammit!
thank god i learn fast
fuck

p.s i hate working, i dun think i see myself working in the future. I wanna have kids and take care of them.

I forgot to blog that i saw a shooting star a couple months back.
A REAL one!
In freaking Singapore Skies.
Haha, it happened for like a split second..
But it was like so beautiful and unreal!
Its super cool.
I am not kidding.
My eyes were not playing tricks on me.
lol
I think my heart skipped a beat.
Hmm... did my star fall and is looking for me right now? hehe..

Our song is the slamming screen door,
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date "man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have"
And when I got home ... before I said amen
Asking God if he could play it again