Farra Liyana

I told you so

Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I loved you
And suppose I said "I wanna come back home".
And suppose I cried and said "I think I finally learned my lesson"
And I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone.

If I told you that I realised you're all I ever wanted
And it's killin' me to be so far away.
Would you tell me that you loved me too and would we cry together?
Or would you simply laugh at me and say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever
Would you get down on yours to and take my hand?
Would we get that old time feelin', would we laugh and talk for hours
The way we did when our love first began?

Would you tell me that you'd missed me too and that you'd been so lonely
And you waited for the day that I return.
And we'd live in love forever and that I'm your one and only
Or would you say the tables finally turned?

Would you say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

"Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

__________________________________

When I think about it
I know that I was never there or even cared
The more I think about it
The less that I was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, I
can almost feel you
You're nearly here
And then you disappear
You disappear
You, you disappear

___________________________________

Things I wanna do before end of the year:

1) Lose 5kg.
2) Have at least 300bucks in my UOB acct.
3) Shop online less.
4) Wash PB.
5) Organise my room.
6) Become a good person.

The first three is like impossible. lol

Out of 6 exams to be taken...
Im pretty sure i might fail at least 2. AT LEAST.

...................................................................................
thermo sucks thermo sucks thermo sucks.
i love maths. but who cares.
maths suck maths suck maths suck

i shld be studying now. but instead im wasting time being a stupid bimbo.

PB i love you.
 

I baked chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter cookies yesterday!
And they turned out eff-ing delicious! By far the best tasting ones ive made these past few times. :)
And i had to hide it in some cupboard else i swear it'd be gone before raya thanks to my brother..
I was supposed to take pics whle doing it but i guess i got too engrossed i forgot.. Hehe..

Oh and i made rice krispies marshmallow treats too! Its freaking nice! Ive been looking for these since it stopped selling in ntuc.. ANd now i dun have to look for it anymore!! I can just make em'!! Woohoo~~

Im not so sure what i shld make tdae.
Im thinkin truffles or tiger peanut butter fudge.
Hmm, I think truffles first.. and then, i'll make the fudge aft i get back from tuition. :)
So exciting!!!

Anyways, I'm done with my first week in school..
And I thot i could look forward to the weekend or smthing.. 
But im stuck at home... hah.. MFing PERFECT.

Happy national day too all non-losers unlike me out there!

I duno if i can survive NTU.
Seriously, Im really scared.

Anyways, camp is fun! And fucking tiring.
I think i've lost alot of the stamina I used to have. 
And my endurance level might have dropped.
Im a shithead lazy bum who sleeps 12hours a day.
What have I turned into?

Im trying trying trying to leave it all behind and have fun.
But it doesnt work that way.
Im haunting myself.

And I think some people do know that I'm the kind who doesnt talks about feelings much.
And I have difficulties expressing myself.
I bottle up my feelings beneath a strong exterior.
People like me, we can't change that easily about ourselves.
It all comes up to how our parents brought us up.
If they're like that, so will we.
So its either one day we explode and let it all out, 
or we just suffer silently and decide to end our life?

Don't worry, Im smart. For now..

And so my parents are not getting along..
My dad asks me, why does ur mom always gets angry at me?, why doesnt she care?
And How the Fuck do I Fucking know?
He hasn't done anything wrong... He's a good dad.
My mom has high expectations.. And she found out too late.
So now my dad thinks I'm to blame for everything. 
Its all my fault.
For not stopping her from chatting online.
For not stopping her from going out at night.
For being too hopeless and ungrateful.
For not having the initiative to step up.
For having a bf who can drive so my mom wants one too.
For living a carefree life like all teens do so my mom wants to too.
For not advising her? 

We were never a close family in the first place, we never talked about feelings,
and we never discussed our thoughts.
We never asked how was ur day, or whats going on in your life..
It never was a family to begin with. I can't remember when it last was. probably when I was still in Primary School.
Maybe thats why I dont really feel like bothering, coz she is an adult and she should be smart enough to think.
And I'm only still learning, from people I shouldn't be learning from.

So now, I am supposed to be the one who asks her where she goes?
So I should constantly be up her ass following her every motherfucking move?
Tell me, do other families have this problem?
Or does god just want to torture me from one dilemma to another.
I skipped the whole of my teenage life. For what fuck?
And what shit life experience have I learned from my parents?
Nothing that could help me for my future of course.
Just shitfuck argueing and pretending noone exists.

And he made it very clear that if they were to separate, it would be my fault.
Coz I am the only hope, the only one who can do anything.
So now, Im the Mom and she will be the daughter I wished I never had.
I dun get how fucking childish an grown up can be.
How irresponsible and totally care less of anyone she has known for years.
And all for what? For luxury and a carefree life which will last for maybe a minute.
Even I still care for those I ditched and rarely contact.

And who do I blame for this? Nobody else but myself is to be blamed.